Who Am I ?

 

Following the Quest of Bulleh Shah, I tried to find the answer of Who am I ? and I find this for myself.
*I am just a shadow
that No one wants near them
I am just a dust on a bookshelf
That is cleaned away
I am just a broken toy
With whom nobody wants to play
So I am thrown away
I am just a scream
That goes unheard
I am just a word
That gets lost in the translation
I am just a tear
That is wiped away
I am just a memory
That is forgotten so easily
I am just a bruised on a beloved’s skin
That is covered right away
I am just a thorn on a rose
That no body wants to touch
I am just a wish
That you wish you never had wished.*

Yep that is So me.

Ap ko mujse q Muhabat ha ?

Episode 2.

 

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Aj Subah uthey hi Bhooley ka dil kuch udas tha. usne fajr ki namaz qaza ki thi shayad isleye. Muh hath doh ker aur begair nashta kiye wo janwaron k sath apne roz mara ke kam per nikal para. wo kisi udasi me khud se ulja hua kuch sawal krne laga .
” me kia hun? aik mitti ka dair jo aik haqeer se khoon ke lothre se ban gya. Na muje koi Zuban ati ha dhang se. na me koi sainsdaan, na me koi shair, na me koi badshah, muje tu koi bhi ni janta is jahan me. yea janwar bhi na muje samjte han aur na me inko samaj sakta hun.  aur Jis jis k sath bhi dil lagaya usi ne mere dil ko dukhaya. sab ko yad krta hun laken muje koi yad ni rakhta. kisi ko mere hone ya na hone se koi farq ni parta. Ae Khuda muje ni pata tune muje q banaya, me ne tu tujse ni kaha tha ke muje bana. aur phr tune banaya bhi tu banaya muje ghaltiyon ka putla. laken banaya tune muje shoq se. han muje tu tujse mohabat ha laken wo muhabat tu isleye ha ke teri misal koi ni, tu sirf aik Wahid ha, Hamesha rahne wala ha, Kamil ha, har aik aib se pak ha, tere se tu har aik ko mohabat ho jae gi. laken muje ni samaj ata ke tune muje kis leye bana, jab tere pas kisi cheez ki kami ni, tere pas faraisthe han jo teri har hal me ibadat krne me lage rahte han. me tuje bhool jata hun, tere elawa har aik ko yad krta hun , tuje meri koi zaroorat nahi, laken phr bhi tu muje yad rakhta ha, aur mujse be inteha Muhabbat krta ha. muje ni samaj ati Ya Allah apko q itni Mohabbat ha mujse ? muje apni zindagi ka maqsad ni pata laken yea janta hun ke yea zindagani sirf teri Mohabbat ki waja se ha”

Aur phr tappakte howe ansoowon me  usne apni ulji hoi zindagi ka maqsad jan lia. Kabi Kabi Allah dukh bhi sakoon k leye deta ha. uski Ajeeb si Mohabbat ha.

My Memories Haunt me

The word for Humans in Arabic is ” Insan” which means two things, one is the ones who feel Love, unlike animals they don’t have love,like a mother snake would eat its egg inorder to survive, but a Human mother won’t do that. So humans have love, humanity is defined by Love. and the Other meaning of word ” insan ” is forgetful. Yes we Humans are forgetful . But Me operates bit Differently, i have a Strong Memory, like real real Strong memories. and the key to have a strong memory is living in the Moments. I live in the moment and connect that moment with the time and date and remember each and everything exactly. if a certain moment is not worth for me i won’t remember it and that is defined by the moments spend with Loved one. if Some one is Loved one to me and i have a happy or sad moment with them i will live in that moment and connect it with my memory and it will linger on my mind for ever.
Now this is my Special power and it can be a Curse some times. actually most of the times.  Actually ,Humans are not Loving any more, they are mean. they just come and go in my life. i get attached to them. and then they leave just like that. and then the worst part happens. Me trying so hard to forget them. like praying to Allah , ya Allah erase those memories from my mind. unlike computer where you just delete a file and recycle it and its gone for ever. but here its different. People just go out of my life but their memories don’t and they just make my nostalgic life gloomy. Yes i do believe that everything in life has a Purpose, people come and go to give us a lesson. and i never learnt my lesson. and even having a Strong Memory , I remember everything but keep on forgetting the one who gave me this ability to remember things. So this part makes me “Insan”. Who remember everything but forgets one that he is the only ONE not to be Remembered .

Being Ungrateful (Episode 2)

Episode 1 Link
Click here,

It was late at night and the whole village was surrounded by the Silence.it wasnot cloudy so the whole village was visible in the Moon Light. Every where was Serenity. The Trees were humbled and bowing down to praise the Glory of their Creator.
In the Midst of Night Bholla was Sobbing in tears while every one else was sleeping in serenity.Bholla was crying on Losing some one he loved the most.So he was saying ” This life sucks,nothing lasts permanently,Moments of happiness never last forever, I always end up letting go people i love the most.and i go through this melancholic state alone.it breaks me from inside. im sick of my life. I want to die ” . He got out of his quilt,stood up wiping away his tears moving towards the washroom. And he glanced through the window and stared at the soothing scene. So he thought to his self ” Why are these trees so calm ? Why they have no sadness ? when they have nothing at all if compared to me? ” and then he realized all this long he was the only one being ungrateful to his Creator. “Allah has given me so many things, he has given me eyes to see, given me this perfect working body,given me the best parents, given me the most stupid and annoying friends,.Yet i never thanked him for all of it. and i just lost one person and Losing my mind,I’m complaining about my life.That is why the Arabs have the word “Disbeliever ” to describe an Ungrateful person.” So he realized what was going wrong in his life. and to mend everything he wronged he utterly said ” Al-hamdulillah, Indeed you are the Most Merciful Allah,You kept giving me all this long yet i never thanked you for all what you have given me , Please forgive me for being ungrateful ” .and Just after saying those words,there was a smile on his face and tranquility in his heart.

So Allah took away something from him to teach him something far greater. That is why Rumi said ” The Wound is the place where the Light enters you ” .

“And He gives you of all that you ask Him; and if you count Allah’s favors, you will not be able to number them; most surely man is very unjust, very ungrateful.” (14:34)

Subha ka bhoola (Episode 1)

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Sham ka waqt tha. Sab Parindey Apne Gharoon ko wapis laut rahe they, Falak me aik qafle ki tarah apne ghonsolon ki taraf rawan they.Panchiyon ke shoor me bhi aik parsakoon sa manzar tha.Bhoola bhi apne mawaishon ko choti si pahari se le kr wapis laut raha tha ke uski nazarien parindon mein ghum ho gaien, aur wo sochon me koh sa gya.
“Yea Panchi bhi Insano ki tarah Tanha nahi rah saktey.Kaise aik Qafla bana kar aik rah me ghamzan hain sab,kaise gharon ko laut rahe han. Har aik jandar ko Sahara hi chahiye. Insan begair sahare ke,begair sath ke kitna ghabrata ha, kitna Darta ha.Isi sahare ki talash me wo zindagi ki tokhrey kah jata ha. Me ne bhi tu ab tak ki sari zindagi aik Sache yar ki talash me laga di, laken ab tak khud ko tanha hi paya laken sacha yar ab tak ni mil paya. Sab ko Sab se koi matlab hi hota ha.Kushnaseeb hote hain wo log jinko Mukhlis Dost mil jae.”
Bhoola aik seedha sadha sa gareeb sa gadariya tha, jo pechle do saalon se mawaishi sambal raha tha.Uska Walid aik Kisaan tha aur walida aik ghareelo khatoon thi jo ke mazhabi gharane se thein. Bhoole ka asal nam Abdul Kareem tha, Laken wo duneya ki chalaki hosheyari se nawaqif tha jiski waja se ab tak uska koi dost na tha.Usko apne rishtadaron ke nam b yad ni hote they bas shaklien pechan leta tha, jiski waja se sab ne usko Nasamaj samaj kr sare gaon me uska nam “Bhoola” mashoor kr dia tha. Bhoole ne Madrase se bachphan me hi Quran Hifaz kia tha, aur daswien k imtehan pass krne ke bad apne maa baap ka sahara ban gya tha.
“Sab ne aj tak mera mazak hi uraya, Jis per bhi bharosa kia, usi ne bharosey ko tora,Dosti aur muhabat me banda aik lamha bhi apne yar ke begair ni rah sakta,ajkal ke log aise rishte nibhane wale ko waila q kahte han. Dosti yari yea tu nhi hoti ke tum apne yar ki majodgi se chir kaoh.aur uski chahat ka mazak urao. Mera dil karta ha mera koi aisa yar ho jiske sath me din raat batien karon,Wo sari sari raat jage mere sath,balke wo tab tak bilkul na soye jab tak me jag raha hun,Uske pas muje sunne ke leye be inteha waqt majood ho, aur us se aik lamha b door na rahon,aur na wo mujse tang ae, aur na wo mujse jhoot bholey, aur na wo mujse wada torey,na mera dil tore, Jab me usey Yad karon, wo muje sache dil se yad kare, aur meri ghaltiyon per darguzar kare aur mere sudhar jane ka intezar kare. Aisa yar tu sirf kaboon kheyalon me hi basta ho ga, kia hi lutf ho jo aisa yar haqeeqat me ho aur usey meri bhi talash ho aur ham dono aik dosre se mil jaen.”
Bhoola apni sochon me ghum tha k usey apna sar kujlate howe aik keyal sa aya aur khud se kahne laga.”Sabr sabr… Raat ko sone se phele jab me aytul Kursi pharta hun, tu tab me parhta hun ke Allah S.W.T ko tu na mout ati ha, na nend na ung ati ha unko. Madrase me Ustad surah Baqarah me yad karwai thi tu bataya  tha ke Jab tum Allah ko yad karo tu wo tumhe yad karta ha. Quran kahta ha ke beshak Allah ka wada Sacha hota ha, Kitne Nabiyon aur kitne Buzurgon k sath usne apne wade ko sacha nabhaya. aur Phr Allah ke namon me se aik Nam tu Samiullah ha, “sunney Wala” wo tu sab ki sunta ha, matlab ke wo meri b sari batien…Khuda mujse kaise aik lamha b door ho sakta ha, jab ke wo farmate han Surah Hadid me ke tum jahan ho wahan me ho, tumhare sath hi hota hun me, tumhari shah rag se bhi zeyada qareeb hun . Waqt per tu sirf Allah hi Qadir ha,Kaise apne Mahboob S.A.W ko aik raat me arsh pr bolwa lia. Allah ne tu muje kabi meri ghaltiyon per foran saza ni di, balke wo tu Ghafoor aur Raheem ha, Wo tu Tauba karne walon se be inteha Muhabat karta ha. Kitna bewaqoof tha me jo yea sab idher udher talash karta raha , aur wo yar jiski thi arzo wo tu apna Rabb Nikla ”
Bhoola apne kheyalon me ghamzada aur preeshan chalta chalta mawaishiyon ko ghar k pass le aya aur phr achanak uske chehre par aik muskharahat si ah gai. Kuch hi Lamhoon me Maghrib ki Azan hone lagi aur Bhoola kushi se masjid wuzu karne ke leye bagha.

“Subha ka bhoola agar sham ko ghar aye tu usay bhoola nai khetay”

To be Continued…
P.S
the Picture doesn’t belong to me.

(تعارف) Prologue

I’m Inspired by my own imaginative character  “Bholla ” ( “Naive ” in English ) that may existed or exists or will exist. Some one from the rural cultures of Pakistan. A guy who is not so highly educated, can only read and write,Knowledge so little yet enough to make him find his Creator. A soft heart and a true lad who is not a racist.His folks are what you may call in Urdu as ” Dehati ” Mother is a religious woman and Dad is an honest person. In the Village every one calls the lad from his nickname “Bholla ” because he never deceives any one,never tells a lie and because of these characteristics he is a loner. I haven’t figured out his real name yet. If you guys can help me in naming that guy I will be humbled.

Bholla has a good hold on playing flute, he can climb trees, an obedient son and helps his neighbors.He plays “Goli Danda ” its an economic form of Cricket or Baseball. He is almost 20.He once loved Some one but being Poverty-Stricken he couldn’t afford to marry the one he loved and she got married else where to an Elite class person.class.So he migrated from “Eshqe-Majazi” to “Ehsq-e Haqiqi”.  Bholla likes to be in state of seclusion while sitting on the highest branch of the tree, he always give a thought to his existence, his purpose and the purpose of everything around him. I havent figured out how many siblings does he have or he posses none . I will be writing this in “Urdu” and “English” .So it will be my 1st time im writing a serial thing and im trying to write it in urdu.

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P.S

This series is inspired by Piety bridge’s Novel ” Sanam to Samad ”  and the picture of sheep is not mine taken from google images.